Its 3 am..i cant sleep..I believe its insomnia that has been giving me so many sleepless nights..Dark...lonely nights ,with a feeling of desolate desperation..What causes this feeling?..I have thought over this time and time again but never reached a satisfactory conclusion...
sometimes d feeling of frustration deepens as I am faced with a cruel,cold and practical reality that at the end of the day i am still alone..the pain that this face hides and d darkening emotions can only be understood by that lonely heart..what makes me talk like this? I can never fathom the reason..But time after time this feeling dogs me,haunts me and then again I start searching for those elusive answers to the questions I ask myself..how does one find pleasure in someone else's pain?..Why r they so bothered about whats goin on in someone elses's life? why dont they go away ,find new victims..How do you fight the darkness trying to surface? How do you control your darker side when they start weighing heavily on your other side..Is it really d darker side or is it being just "human"? How do you handle the pain threatening to tear you apart, when d music is blaring at eardrum splitting level and yet u cant hear a thing...something is gone, something that was once called "innocence"..Things refuse to leave my mind,its like moving pictures in my head..Its so much easier to just run away,bury the pain,replace d pain with numbness. .My friend asked me why my blog always has such depressing stuff...I didnt have an answer then but I have one now..its because thats d strongest emotion.. Happy moments are like mirages..they disappear if you get too close.. But the pain remains.. D memories remain...d hollowness increases threatening to swallow you completely...smothering you...leaving you cold…..and the worst part is that there is no one you can turn to except for yourself…that’s the reason you recede deeper into the shell that you create around you…This hypocritical,shallow,cold world is creeping me out…The more I fight against it the crueler it becomes..Friends turn foes, lovers turn strangers…The meaning of emotions,relationships change in a minute.. There is no such thing as “true love”.. Its an elusion and if you make the folly then you pay , pay with everything you have got, with the last shred of emotion left in you..It takes away your smile,that glint in your eyes..
“Hope” is what idiots do and optimists are brain dead.. Don’t evr let yourself be the victim here..let go of the thoughts,d memories..nothing is worth holding onto..nothing..specially memories which pain you.. and not forgetting that you will always have yourself to support you,to see you through all the phases of life..you will never lie to yourself,never cheat,never leave you alone when you are down and out ..once you see things this way then being alone wont seem so bad.....
13 comments:
i must admit what you've written is absolutely true. but an even bigger truth is...it happens with everybody.
people are sadistic by nature. they relish seeing others in pain. you and i can do nothing about it. revealing your darker side is, indeed, human.
you talked about 'innocence'. the very fact that you feel this pain proves that you are, indeed, innocent. else, you would've become totally numb by now, not feeling a thing. this blog wouldn't look so painful. but you are innocent, period.
the latter part of the post sounds overtly buddhist. if you let go of everything, you don't feel any pain, true, but you don't feel any joy either. your life becomes tasteless. compare it with food. if your taste buds are dead, you don't hurt when you bite into a chilli, but you don't feel anything when you're eating the sweet part, either.
being alone: well, sometimes, when you think you're alone...when nobody's beside you, nobody holding your hand...maybe you should look behind your shoulder. you'll always find a few people to whom you mean a lot. people who share their blood with you. and you'll find someone you can run to, who'll give you a hug, who might not be able to wipe your tears, but can cry with you.
please take note of these words of mine: "the canvas of life is a fascinating piece of art. what the individual percieves as a melancholic (even sepulchral) blank-and-white painting is actually a spectacular riot of colours, replete with the RGB of joy, sorrow, and anger."
babesssssssss dis is a killer...kyun be depression queen hume marne pe kyun tuli hai
your emotions r ntn new,nothing different..everyone feels this way..only some hav d power to xpress it...beautifully written..a lil too depressing...darker side prevails in everyone ..u jst need to know how to control it...u need to feel pain to know wat joy is
i love the song... thanks ever so much...
hey! rat ur blog hs so many depressing stuffs... love u for all of dem. BTW hw u manage writting deze??
nice blog...........truely speaking will never visit dis deperssion booth agn..lol!
just kidding..ur written skills are worth appreciating.
hey! rat ur blog hs so many depressing stuffs... love u for all of dem. BTW hw u manage writting deze??
nice blog...........truely speaking will never visit dis deperssion booth agn..lol!
just kidding..ur writting skills are worth appreciating.
whenever u r low darlington, think of the good times we all spent together!! love ya!...and..innocence is incorporeal..cannot..cannot die!
The 'Pain' u describe remains as long as we let it do its work. Its solely upon us, to not to give it a damn, and then U ll see, the world wud look more lovelier, more wonderful and a better place to live in.
Always remember that we all deserve the right to make ourselves happy n satisfied and nothing can take our right..
After reading the blog, all I can say is that I can relate myself to whatever you have written...
Though its depressing but this is the truth...
I don't mean to go all Dr. Phil on you, but towards the end of the post you say "don't let yourself be the victim", while the entire content before that leans on you being the victim yourself. You say sadness is the strongest emotion, and that is probably true, but when it consumes you to this extent, you are more or less being a victim to that sadness.
I have no idea what you're going through so I apologize if this comes of as judgemental(seriously...i cannot stand Dr. Phil), but whenever you do feel depressed or lonely just try thinking about it this way - no matter how bad you think your life is at a particular moment, there's always hundreds and thousands more people who are worse off than you. Now that might sound negative, but it does help in giving one a different perspective where maybe you'd start cherishing what you have, rather than being depressed about what you don't.
Okay wow...I hope no one I know dies anytime soon because I've just used up most of my seriousness quota for the year right here...oh and also because I don't want anyone I know to die. I thought I should mention that.
yes ..your posts do sound sad..when one reads it,one can feel your emotions flowing steadily.you have written a beautiful piece..
i want you to feel other emotions strongly ...like love ..happiness..passion..agression..
get up and look around..you too can experience one..
If i am not feeling these emotions..the only one i feel is depression..i feel depressed really..when i see my siblings sad..when i have nothing to do..its only the bad memories which come back running to my mind..
I was fed up..i too wanted to be happy like others..so i went out.i took up a hobby..it could be anything you love doing..anything..where in you can socialize with people..thats whenu extend the range of emotions you can truly feel
i m sure this would be of great hekp to you..as it was to me..
cheers
shruti
Your writings are sad but beautiful. And I believe that you are one of the rare people who have the guts to face their depression instead of running away from it or ignoring it, pretending that it doesn't exist.
Darkness DOES exist, and some people never try to forget it. If you are the kind of person who faces all this nihilism head-on and still constantly strives to better themselves, then there's nothing wrong with your attitude toward life. In fact, if you are such an active nihilist, so to speak, then you are admirable.
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