Through the eyes of a dying girl

I wake up every morning with a dread and go to sleep with that dread and the thought is always the same "will i live to see the daylight tomorrow." I often thought what crime i might have committed to deserve this or its just God punishing me for some mistakes i might have made in my previous lives. I look outside and could feel the warmth of the sunlight streaming through my windows and the birds chirping on the window sill,everywhere i looked i saw people smiling,laughing for no apparent reason .The wind blew a feather and it settled on my lap.I took a closer look and blew at it again and watched it fly from one place to another looking for a place where it could finally take shelter.My thoughts were disturbed when my parents came in with my food.The doctor had said I need to be fed with extra care,i dont understand why nybody cud make their child eat those boiled green vegetables which closely resembled slime.They were tryin to smile but it never reached their eyes.All the dreams dat they had for me and all of mine i shared with them were slowly dissolving and there was nothing they could do about it.I was having that empty feeling once again...Those first things i had dreamt of,my graduation ceremony,my first day at college,my first kiss,my first boyfriend,my first job and all d things i wanted to buy for my parents with my first salary and many other firsts where never to take place.The things that i did with my dad ,helping and messing his stuff all d time and helping mom around the kitchen,bickering and fighting on small things ,trying to ascertain my rights and beliefs.There are things which i regret having done and there are so many things i want to do.But the truth is ,no matter how much i deny, it will never happen for me.But i wish life goes on for my parents who without ny fault will bear d biggest pain ,who took care frm d very instant i was born,gave me courage to face trouble and supported me always through d highs and lows.I feel so tired ,my whole body battered with d chemos and now even d doctor taking pity on my plight told my parents that chemo was useless now...i feel a strange peace as if i am floating away.i close my eyes and can almost see hands beckoning me.Maybe its time i let go and then i finally sleep