why do I care
when nobody looks my way

why are these tears
when rain will jst wash them away

branded in my heart
imprinted with the pain

I see through the looking glass
at the darker days ahead

logically I am brain dead
physically an empty shell

claimed by the sorrow
the beginning of dread.

Another one of my theories
Love can bring a proud man to his knees. Love can get you to do unimaginable tasks .It can make you build a castle or it can also destroy proper nations. Causing more harm than good,what good can come when your rationality is clouded by dis potent drug..Relentess pain in lonely nights can never go away for when pain starts to fill your mind it is not long before it takes your heart too.
I too wanted(read WANT) a storybook love story but not like one of those happy ending ones or a typical Shakespearean tragedies. Life isn’t black or white neither it is unhappiness or over d top happiness all the time so I want my story to have its ups and downs and the ending left to us to decide. I want a life where all the tears I shed only deepen the realization of happiness of all the thing I have. Not so wrong in indulging a bit of fantasies but when your dreamland coincides with the REAL world the end result is ntn bt utter confusion..You end up wanting a lot more but at the same time the feeling that you might not get anything remains with you.
I don’t understand how our ancestors(or maybe it was jst in the books) could love one person throughout till d end of their lives. For us no matter how much we loved,we still manage to move on to the next person,maybe heart doesn’t heal completely but it learns to jump from one to another.Hence the concept of my first love is the only love has long become a fascinating myth(yeah yeah serial and movies still thrive on it).I for that matter have gone through 3 such loves and uncountable number of crushes..I have lost my first love(painful),second and third(most painful).I haven’t ever forgotten any one of them..I also achieved the task of being someone else’s first love and I also hurt them..Did that make me feel avenged for pain caused to me..NOPES..Did it heal my permanently shattered heart?.BIG NO and the foolish heart still looks forward for the next love albeit more cautiously (Dang these stupid movies still ignite a flicker of hope in the hearts of the weary that maybe happy endings r a possibility)..I refuse to belive that even the biggest cynic is an exception to the above theory..
Which one are you? Do you have the guts to speak the truth or follow your heart??

The wound that woudnt heal
even though I once thought our love was never ending
I had to face the fact it was all a lie
you were an illusion right from the start
I was blindfolded and thought u wer always beside me

You could neversee me but I was always right ther
waiting for you to cry but the tears were all mine
I never wanted it to be this way
and bore all the pain hoping it will pass away

I was rotting in the shadows damaged beyond repair
Now I cant find me no matter where I look
all I find is broken dreams and a trampled heart
and bloodied remains of a "has been"

Silent tears and now I have nothing left to lose
even anger and hatred cant justify the existenz anymore
this recurring nightmare drags on for days
more vivid in this forced consciousness